My boyfriends are normally 'terribly nice chaps'. 'Chaps' being the key word there. Smart of shirt and shiny of shoe, the type of men whose mother's cut their hair and save all their Tesco receipts in a plastic folder.
After six months of being single, and it not living up to my expectations AT ALL (I really can't see the point of one nights stands. I normally only find it exciting to sleep with somebody if I've got to know them first and had a bit of a build up to the actual event. Bumping knees under the table and analysing text messages for secret 'he fancies me' signs is usually enough of a thrill for me in the first couple of weeks). Anyway, I met a really lovely man. I say met, I spotted him across the bar, got very drunk, and got my friend to ask for his phone number. I then pestered him into a date, and we slept together within three hours of meeting. I did say 'normally', not 'always'.
He is so pretty. I ca't believe he fancies me. And he's not my normal type, I think he last cut his hair for a school photo, and he smokes roll-ups, and all his t-shirts have holes in.
But while it's all going swimmingly, and we're skipping through daisy fields and snogging on buses, I'm also nursing an infatuation with a desperately unsuitable man. He is desperately unsuitable for the following reasons:
* He is getting married next week. I am attending.
Actually, that alone is a good reason, but I'm also pretty sure he has deep-rooted personal problems and is something of a fuckwit. This is definetely the reason I am attracted to him. In an effort to torture myself further, we're going to a gig in October, (I did invite his wife-to-be, but he declined the offer. I offered, HE declined) and am now entertaining fanstasies of doing unspeakable things with him in a dark, beer-splattered corner. Perhaps I will spike both our drinks, that way, I'll get to have my wicked way, and neither of us will remember? That does seem like a lot of effort though.
Or perhaps, we will go the gig, and bob about awkwardly, nursing those nasty little plastic cups they give you your drink in, and maybe brush hands or catch each other's eye, but that'll be it. And I'll be happy with that, because I can kid myself that maybe he likes me too, and it's a bit of a thrill, and I can't get in trouble for that?