Did you know Geri Halliwell dropped a sprog? That's right, she gave birth. She's the first woman ever to do so you know! Any way, she's done a trillion page spread in Hello magazine where she spouts forth her usual garbage about spirituality and girl power and nipple pads etc. etc.
I found this a very amusing read, and so, to commemorate the arrival of Halliwell Junior, have decided to interview Slag Cat, our pregnant moggy, also a single mother who's getting up the duff was a 'happy accident'. I will be using a very similar in-depth technique to that of Hello magazine, in the I will be copying their questions and Geri's answers straight onto the page.
With the birth of a small sweet daughter, girl power has doubled for the former Ginger Spice, Geri Halliwell...the top floor of her temporary home in north London has become a nursery paradise...the whole flower-filled house seems a homage to new life
Speaking from her rustic barn conversion in deepest West Wales, Slag Cat, a sleek grey feline from unknown parentage contemplates the birth of her nine illegitimate kittens, and the challenges that raising them alone on a box of Go-Cat a week will bring.
Is there a man in your life right now?
G: No, and to be honest I don't really care. I'm a bit too consumed by my baby.
SC: No, and to be honest, there never was, it was a quickie behind the garden shed, I never even caught his name
How well prepared were you to give birth?
G: A nutritionist I saw back in LA helped ensure everything I was eating was spot-on and she encouraged excercise and yoga. That really changed the whole spin of what pregnancy meant to me. I asked what I could do really to support this whole pregnancy process and embrace it.ust carrying on life as normal.
SC: Nothing's changed, I'm still squeezing into small spaces, hanging out on the roof of the house. I've only just noticed that I'm pregnant actually.
Did you have a birth plan?
G: I would never have sought a home delivery for a first baby, but I had hoped to deliver naturally. I'm not one of those earth mothers who is adamant in 'taking control' and permitting no intervention during labour. I find all that quite perculiar and, coming from the work I do for the United Nations, quite absurd.
SC: Right now, the airing cupboard's looking pretty good. Failing that, I'll probably just drop 'em behind the sofa while they're watching Big Brother.
What advice has your mother given you?
G: She's done a lot of the nesting for me and she also reminded me to pamper myself for the sake of self-esteem. At her prompting I got my nails done, had a wax, put a pretty dress on and bought pretty underwear. In early pregnancy I couldn't be bothered because all this maintenance is easier said than done. But it's the price of being a woman and it was really important to maintain my femininity.
SC: Stop shitting behind the log basket and watch the dog doesn't eat them once they're born.
Do you plan to keep on working?
G: Yes. I've had the example of a working mother since I was six years old. Work isn't at the forefront of my mind just a few days after giving birth but there are already a few irons in the fire and I plan and hope to act. That's my desire after studying for three years in LA. I feel passionate about movies and stories - that has always been in my blood.
SC: Well, somebody has to bring home the dead mice. I'm a cat about town, there's a whole lot of territory to patrol and having kittens won't stop me doing what's in my blood.
How do you envisage life in ten years time?
G: I have a fantasy of living in a huge house, with a beautiful country garden and loads of kids in it. Loads. I still think I might adopt some. I'm being a very creative person and a very active participant, doing something relevant in the world. The children are joining in with me. I hope they are up for coming along through my adventure as I am engaging with theirs.
SC: Getting up once a day to pee. Or maybe not even getting up.
And how do you sum up motherhood?
G: It's just overwhelming - the biggest life changing experience that's ver happened to me. You can't compare it to the Spice Grils rollercoaster. This is an emotional, spiritual, physical adventure that's going to last a lifetime. Now it's underway, nothing else seems to matter: no success nor all the money in the world could match being a mother with Bluebell in my arms.
SC: It's playing havoc with my ability to jump up on the kitchen surfaces, and I can't quite get my leg behind my head any more but apart from that, not much has changed. I'm sure once I give birth I'll feel different. Lighter probably.
