http://uk.news.yahoo.com/08072006/325/psychiatrist-becomes-mother-62.html

But I'm gonna. Oh dear. I don't really agree with IVF. I'm sure if I ever discover that I'm infertile, I'll feel differently. But then, there's a huge difference in being unable to have children because of your body, and being unable to because of your age. You should probably be settling down in front of Heartbeat at 62, rather than Teletubbies.

While the parents may be affluent and worldly wise, and have so much free time that they can teach Junior to speak Mandarin by the time he's 2, they will also be permanently knackered and probably do their backs in pushing him on the swings. I'm not saying that everybody over 50 should be sent to the scrap yard, but my cousin is 32 with a one year old daugher going through a Damian stage, and she's asleep face down on the coffee table by 8.30 most nights.

Her best bits were about 30 seconds long. She spent seven weeks howling at the moon, and wrapping herself around Pete like a praying mantis. That doesn't make for the world's greatest montage. I still can't get the image of her sucking off a carrot out of my head though. I fully expect to see her posing in The Star next week, pleasuring an aubergine.

Now it's surely Jayne next. Please God, you cannot allow this woman any more air time. She's loud-mouthed, aggressive 'gotta act crazee because I'm actually shockingly normal, and a little bit dead inside'. She makes Glyn appear sophisticated in comparison, with his black pudding concoctions and farting in bed. And she looks and sounds like a bullfrog. And I don't think I'm being particularly fattist or ageist or discriminatory against underwear when I say that there is a place for a see-through hot pink lace negligee, and that place is NOT on Jayne.

And breathe.....I feel cleansed. Tomorrow, why Nikki is a demonic barbie anti-christ that's shrunk in the wash.

In slightly less trivial news:

http://www.theargus.co.uk/the_argus/news/NEWS0.html