No matter how much you try to remind yourself that you're getting paid for it, and the money will probably get you that lovely chrome toaster from Robert Dyas, perfect for checking your reflection in of a bleary-faced morning. What was I saying? Oh yes. Working on Saturday night is no fun at all!!
They don't put anything good on TV. I assume this is to punish you for being so pathetic you couldn't even persuade a tramp to go down the pub with you. Or for choosing a profession which requires you to spend your weekends trying to explain how to work a washing machine to a teenage asylum seeker using only the thumbs up gesture and some universal grunting noises. Whilst everybody else is out sticking pills up their nose and humping car bonnets.
There's just been a programme on about people moaning about holidays. THEN DON'T FRICKIN' GO! Jesus, I know the British have a reputation to uphold when it comes to griping but really, it's not as if their hotel room blew up or their first born was eaten by a shark. They just didn't like the posh people in ski suits, or appreciate the pyramids sufficiently. GET A GRIP! You're all making money from this self-indulgent 'ironic' whining, so that you can go on another expensive holiday and then come back and moan in the sequel about toothless old men spoiling your view, or not being able to buy a decent banana and avocado smoothie for nigh on a fortnight.
Oh, grumpity grump, that's me tonight folks. Still, the carnival will be fun. Shall we be really mean, and make all the kids form a big crocodile which they aren't allowed to break free from unless they sever their hands with their teeth?, And make them wear name badges and stuff? And insist on accompanying them to the toilet? I knew I should have been a teacher. No, we're going to have a lovely day, it will be filled with primary colours and inanimate curried objects and hopefully we will bring all ten of our charges back with both their hands and their stomachs intact.