What are nipple pads for? Doubt I'll be needing them anyway, unless you start lactating in the sixth week. Have collected just about every other symptom though. Tired, grumpy, weepy, eating like a plague of locusts. I want meat!! And cheese!! And the flesh of a virgin boy, lightly fried in black bean sauce!!

Everything makes me feel sick though. Smells in particular, regardless of origin. I was slapping on some body lotion the other day, and the fairly harmless odour made my stomach start to juggle it's contents within seconds. Similarly, I was heaving like a sailor in one of those posh oil shops, which normally smell like Christmas in Italy.

Oh well, it will all be over soon. Sad but true. It's been a rubbish year as far as emotional distress is concerned. But then apparently, Marcel Proust reckoned that the years of your life in which you suffered were when you were most alive, and that this is how anybody with any kind of wisdom, acquires it.

There has to be an easier way. Couldn't the person who'd been through the most torment just produce a leaflet or something on what it had taught them? Or a few motivational speeches? I'm too god damned idle to learn from my own troubles.

Have to say though, the sheer amount of sleep I'be been getting has been, well, just that. Sheer. Logs, dogs, babies, you name it, none of them have slept as well as me this week. So thank you little hormones, for although you punish my gut, you reward my lazy bones.