I would like to start with the statement that it would not be nice to be married to John Mcirick. He looks like a strange hybrid of Fungus the Bogeyman and Uncle Bulgaria. His living conditions also seem to be similar to those of the Wombles. Although, it probably wouldn't make life seem like a precious gift to end up having Edwina Currie's dinner on the table every night for her.
Ooh, I can't wait for Celebrity Big Brother to start! My ideal contestants would be:
* Sophie Anderton
* Jeremy Paxman
* Arnold Schwarzenneger-eger-negger
* Charlotte Church
* Tom Cruise
* Posh Spice
* David Hasselhoff
* Madonna
All those huge egos and tiny minds squeezed into one little house. Imagine the tension! Paxman challenges Cruise over the ludicrousness of Scientology. Anderton compliments Church on her 'womanly figure' whilst secretley referring to her as 'lard arse'. Hasselhoff and Schwarzenegger relive the glory days of Hollywood, when all you needed was a spray tan and some stick-on pecs to get a gig. Madonna refuses to talk to anybody, because she's clearly on a higher plane than all of them. And then the nuclear fall out when they all get sick of pretending to like each other. I'm having delight induced palpitations just thinking about it.
They'd probably just pick a camera each and stand in front of it all day. That's when the girls weren't busy stirring lard into each others breakfast, and the boys were taking a rest from bench presses and staring at their genitals. With the exception of Jeremy, who'll probably be in the bathroom, trying to commit suicide by ingesting a bar of soap.