I have done a stupid thing. A very stupid thing. I opened an angel cake that was in the cupboard in the staff room, and cut off a sliver. Then another one. Then I wrapped it back up and hid it in the biscuit tin in the kitchen, hoping that one of the kids would make off with it. But I've just checked, and it's still there. Now I want to go downstairs, tip my head back, and push the entire thing into my mouth and down my throat like a snake swallowing a donkey. Why is it once you open a packet of something fattening, you cannot rest until the whole lot is sitting uncomfortably in your gut, and you realise you didn't even have time to taste it, and you could probably manage another one, so you head to the fridge and squirt a whole can of cream down your greedy neck, not even pausing to wipe it from your chin? This is what happens if your mother thinks sugar is the root of all evil and bans it from the house when you are small, and all your friends are sucking on Push Pops and getting purple teeth, and you take a box of Sun-Maid raisins to school that even the hamster isn't interested in.