by
Emsbabee
@ 2007-02-24 - 15:21:47
Spent a LOT of time on the train yesterday. For once, I wasn't boxed in by some heavy breathing maniac offering me a bite of his sandwich and his phone number, whilst trying to get a hand under my jumper without me noticing.
Oh no. A double seat all to myself, and the advantage of overhearing lots of amusing conversations -
Small boy to mother: Kelly Osbourne's HIV positive.
Mother: (acting as if she's just been told a member of her own family has it) WHAT?? Where did you hear that?
Small boy: On Sky News
Mother: (clearly concerned that a) this has been reported on Sky News, so it must be true and b) her son knows what HIV is) That's AWFUL.
Small boy: 'Don't worry, it's not full-blown AIDS.
Automated train voice: Change here for Bognor Regis and Littlehampton
Man on 3rd can of lunchtime Stella to equally pissed friend: You wanna go to Littlehampton? Everybody's little there.....but that doesn't mean they're under 16.
One of my train journeys was to a meeting about Social Services. A worker there has recently announced her pregnancy, but I hadn't seen her since she'd told me. Oh my word. Her breasts. ARE EEEENORMOUS. I could not stop staring at them. With all the extra weight she's carrying up front, not to mentionn the bump, I'm surprised she manages to stay upright all day. Her husband must be so tempted to tip her backwards and watch her wriggling around, trying to right herself like a wood louse.
She will make a lovely mother though. I bet she gives birth under a tree, and calls the sprog Moonbeam, and feeds it on organic yams and honey from her own bees. And then ends up being completely under it's control by the time the kid is two, because not only is she a hippy, she's a complete soft-spoken pushover, and couldn't tell a sparrow what to do.
