She named the baby after me! Jessica Emma, born 5th May, weighing 6lbs. About the size of an anorexic Chihuahua, she refused to wake up throughout my visit, even when her mother whipped down her pyjama top and offered her a choice of courses.

Apparently, she hasn’t smiled once since the surgeon reached in and scooped her out of her cosy little womb. Well, I’m not surprised. She was probably having a doze. Although only two weeks early rather than eight, it’s still quite a shock, when you’ve not quite finished getting things grown, and hospital light is very harsh, and your skin seems a little bit too big for you, and people keep picking you up and insisting you display some emotion. Especially when emotion hasn’t really been explained to you yet, you’re two days old for Christ sake! Swallowing is proving more than a challenge.