The first and only daughter of Dr Peter Andre and the Right Honourable Jordan TM.
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All together now...oh dear
One funky monkey
"The mystery of Hobo the baby monkey was gripping a village last night after he was found cowering in a tree.
Hobo, who is no bigger than a can of Coca-Cola, was first spotted near a road by villagers who failed to tempt him down to the ground with apples and berries.
After the crowd headed home, the monkey popped up again – in an ash tree in mechanic Marty Wright's back garden.
'I crouched down to make myself as small as possible, held a banana out and he very gingerly made his way down and put his feet on my wrist for balance.
'He started to eat the banana so with my other hand I grabbed him very carefully around the waist and brought him into the lounge.'
While Hobo was busily jumping on Mr Wright's hi-fi at his home in Beaminster, Dorset, he rang the Wildlife Park at Cricket St Thomas in Chard, Somerset.
They sent a keeper to pick up the six-month-old animal. He was said to be doing well by staff caring for him yesterday."
Hmm. Here’s what I would do if I found Hobo the mystery monkey in my back yard.
* Coax him down from tree
* Stuff him into a frilly dress and matching bonnet
* Rename him Alexis
* Pretend he was my daughter, and enjoy the looks of shock and horror as I wheeled him through town in a stroller, took him along to playgroup, and entered him in a best looking baby contest.
Do you think that the people of Britain, who are never keen to point out if somebody is stood on their foot, or has taken their seat, let alone that a simian is being apparently passed off as a human child, would say anything? I think little Alexis would be accepted into the community without a murmur.














