Today, each member of staff has been individually ushered into a secret room, forced to stand in front of a big white screen and have an offensively bright light shone in their confused eyes.
Despite what you may think, we were not being interviewed by the Home Office.
Nope, we have all had our photos professionally taken for the company website.
IT. WAS. MORTIFYING.
I had to smile. I don't like to smile too wide, as my teeth could easily belong to a Tudor serving wench.
I had to stand with hands on hips and look over my shoulder at the camera. This is not a pose I believe anybody has adopted since the late 80's.
I had to peep coquettishly from beneath my fringe. So I looked a bit like a show pony.
Trying to stay positive, and visualise the end result as something like this:
Although, if I let the slightest hint of realism creep into my vision, this is actually far more accurate:
