by Emsbabee
@ 2007-09-18 - 18:23:25
What do you give the world's oldest man for his birthday? Apart from Botox?
Answers on a carrier pig please.
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It's not easy being queen
by Emsbabee
@ 2007-09-18 - 15:53:59
I think I have a sympathetic ear. It'd make you a cup of tea and put a blanket over your knees. Maybe even give you a hug if you've showered recently.
So when I buy a shiny magazine, featuring a shiny star, and read all about how much she hates the size of her collar bones, or her nipples point the wrong way, a small part of me thinks 'there there dear, we all go through it. As they say, only women bleed.'
The rest of me, the rational, cynical, snarly part would like to clamber aboard her industrial strength soap box and make the following observations:
* Nobody is entirely happy with their body, apart from people who have more pressing concerns eg. civil war, famine etc. and therefore don't have the time to think about things like 'are my nostrils too wide?'.
* I am no better than your average self-indulgent female. My hair is wispy and disobedient. My teeth resemble a fence that's been battered by a hurricane. I was born with a lopsided face, in fact, the story goes that my dad bent over the cot to take his first look at his brand new daughter and thought 'yikes'. If I lose weight, it comes off my face and makes me look like a refugee, if I gain weight, it goes everywhere except my chest. My skin is a few shades paler than skimmed milk. I could go on, but nobody is paying me.
* The point ladies, is this. Most of us do not have a stylist, a personal chef, a hairdresser, a make-up artist sponsored by Max Factor, fashion designers scratching each other's eyes out in frantic bids to get their clothes on our gorgeous bodies, and around six million sycophants paid to tell us how gorgeous we look. If we did, then perhaps we might realise that far from bonding with the sisterhood, we're actually making them more depressed and resentful. If these women aren't happy with the way they look, then the one hope we normal people have of ever coming to terms with the size of our arse or the state of our skin, is by becoming cave dwellers, and only ever seeing our reflection in puddles.
Man, I feel like a woman
by Emsbabee
@ 2007-09-18 - 11:15:44
There is something about the authoritative tapping of high heels as you walk down the street which makes a girl feel like a woman.
Well, that and the fact that the extra height means that you are less likely to get ID'd for buying a lottery ticket.