A member of staff went up to Gatwick for an asylum interview last week, and had his keys, deodorant, mobile phone, dentures etc. confiscated. He didn't get the deodorant back. We think he should claim for that on expenses. In fact, we think he should add a few more items to the list:
* his solid gold watch
* his Elizabeth Arden Night Cream
* his diamond nose stud
* his tickets for a fortnight in the Caribbean
Hmm, so Winehouse isn't well. God damn it woman! Get it together. I know that my worship for you has previously been based upon your disastrous life choices, but if you so much as cough during one of your songs next week, I shall be demanding a full refund.
And in other news, who wants to be a Pastafarian? It might provide Amy with some much needed guidance. She's got the hair, the drinking problem and the missing teeth, in fact, it's as if this religion was created especially for her.