I'm concerned readers. Today my little sister is off on her very first holiday abroad without the careful supervision of parents, teachers, or indeed anybody wearing sensible shoes. She and her best friend are going to Milan, the latter to celebrate her 18th birthday, the former to get off with some pubescent Italian she met earlier this year and has been mooning over ever since.
This is the girl who finds making toast a challenge. Who got culture shock when we took her to a cinema with more than one screen. Who frankly, would happily stash a gram of cocaine in her knickers and then pause to say hello to the sniffer dogs.
"Mammy? Can you come and get me? I'm in It-alee an' they think I've been smuggling rubies. They won't let me have any hot water for my Pot Noodle, an' these handcuffs are giving me terrible chafing, and they all speak funny an' I can't understand them, so can you come and get me? Oh, an' I'm runnin' out of credit, so can you ring me back?"