My new year's resolution this year was to finish every sentence with the words - I dare say.
Far more achievable than my previous resolutions, which have included taking French A-level, giving up television, transforming the texture of my thighs from dimpled blamange to steely perfection, I dare say.
It would make everything I say sound authoritative, you can imagine a lord of the realm using it to place his breakfast order - 'I'll have the kippers, I dare say', or the queen dismissing her butler - "That will be all, I dare say'.
Being short, semi-blonde, having a fringe which seems to think it's rightful place is over my eyes and a style of dress which has in the past been compared to that of an angry teenager, well, I thought it was time people started taking me seriously.
"10 Marlboro Lights, I dare say!"
"Clean this bloody flat, I dare say!"
Fancy arguing with that?
Hmm, the only teeny, tiny problem with this idea is it's complete incompatibility with real life. It makes the user sound like a pompous twit from the mid-nineteenth century, the kind of person who feels up the maid when she's dusting the parlour, or steps on a beggar's outstretched hand when they pass them in the street.
And a bit mental.
"What time is it, I dare say!"
"Hello, how are you, I dare say!"
This resolution, simplistic as it may have seemed, is just not sustainable. Much like the resolution to get a pilot's licence, or replace sugar with nettle tea, I have been misled by my own delusions. Although I bet this resolution would get me at least a ten minute spot on This Morning.