She's learned a lot in those eighteen years (although putting the kettle on or dumping laundry anywhere but the floor still remain beyond her capabilities). Here's a brief guide to some of her unquestionable wisdom:

* The stuffed pepper is the most exciting culinary creation since the Dairylea Dunker.

* Dumping your first love for an Italian rogue will result in your entire family turning against you, especially when first love keeps turning up at your house with his mangled heart in his hands, and you tell him you're too busy to see him.

* A mysterious pain in your ribs may well turn out to be an ectopic pregnancy.

* Gaviscon Cool Action is the answer to all your intestinal woes.

* If you want to make your bitter older sisters even more so, strut about in a bikini top displaying your impressive breasts.

* Panicking is not spelled 'pancaking'.

* You will never win an argument with your mother. Others before you have tried, and failed. Let it go.

* Spending other people's money is a great way to save your own.

* If in doubt, have the lasagne.